Urge surfing - Tips on how to manage the urge to gamble

By: Dr Anastasia Hronis (clinical psychologist) and Natalie Herron (clinical psychology registrar)

Often, despite all the hard work we’ve put in, we continue to get urges to gamble. The good news is, these urges can be tolerated without having to act on them!

In psychology, we think of these urges to gamble like a wave. It starts out small, and then rises in intensity. However, like a wave, as time passes it gets smaller and the intensity decreases. We can call this “urge surfing”. We can learn to ride these urge waves to build our tolerances, and our ability to.resist.

An important step in being able to ride the waves of gambling urges, is first being able to notice it when it arises. Take a moment to notice the urge, pause to observe it, and describe your experience. When describing your experience, try to do this in a non-judgemental way and without reacting to it. For example, “I’m noticing a really intense desire to place a bet which is causing my hands to be sweaty and tingly”. The more you practice this, the greater your tolerance and ability to master the difficult urges.

In the beginning of practicing this skill, a lot of people find it helpful to pick some activities they can do to help ride the wave. Particularly during the peak of the wave, which is the highest and hardest part of the urge. Some things which might be helpful to do include distraction activities (things like watching a TV show, going for a walk, calling a friend, reading, or You-Tube) or self-soothing strategies (think of things which feel good for your senses – looking at nostalgic pictures, listening to your favourite song, spraying a nice cologne, eating a tasty snack, or having a relaxing bath/shower). Using words of encouragement – either written down on your phone, or for a loved one to remind you, might also be helpful. These could be things such as “Every wave is an opportunity to be patient and confident” or “For every urge I resist, the next one becomes weaker”.

The skill of urge surfing is an important foundation of being able to manage our emotions and addictive behaviours, and can be used in many different aspects of our life. The more you are able to resist an urge without acting on it, it is likely the less intense and frequent they’ll become. Of course, if you do slip up, you can still use the urge-surfing skill to reduce the wave again.

https://gamblershelp.com.au/lets-talk-gambling/urge-surfing-tips-on-how-to-manage-the-urge-to-gamble/

Why do we find making new friends so hard as adults?

If you’ve ever tried to make new friends as an adult, you’ll probably see why loneliness is at an all-time high. Making new friends feels just plain hard.

In school, making friends can be as simple as going on the monkey bars together. But as adults, making, developing and maintaining friendships can be much more difficult.

This matters, because we need friends. And while old friends are golden, nothing stays the same forever. Old friends move away, or have their time taken up by child-rearing or their careers. Without action, loneliness can quietly grow around you. It’s worth taking seriously, because evidence now suggests chronic loneliness can be lethal – the equivalent impact of 15 cigarettes a day on mortality rates.

It’s not just you, either. In many countries, loneliness is at epidemic proportions. And that was before COVID-19 made it much harder for us to see our friends.

The challenge of trust

Before COVID, around a third of Australians reported feeling at least one episode of loneliness. Since COVID brought widespread disruption to our work and social lives, loneliness has soared. Surveys now find over half (54%) of Australians report experiencing greater loneliness since the start of the pandemic.

As we reach for a new COVID-normal, it’s worth taking stock of your friendships – and assess whether you feel your social life is fine, or could use a little help.

When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.

Perhaps that’s why many people try to keep their circle of old friends as long as possible, given the trust they may have built up over many years.

Who found it harder? Women were more likely than men to say they didn’t make new friends easily because they struggled to trust others.

So what is it about adulthood? Well, as adults, we have greater self-awareness than children. While that is often a positive, it also means we’re more aware of the risks of being judged by others, of not being liked, of being rejected, and of being hurt. Or perhaps it just means we’ve been through high school and our 20s.

If we’ve had previous rejections as friends or suffered a breach of trust, we may find it harder to be trusting of others in the future. To trust a new friend means opening ourselves up and being vulnerable, just as we do in relationships.

Building new friendships requires vulnerability, trust and time. Getty Images

Friendships need time

After the trust issue comes time. “Lack of time” was the second-most common reason people gave after “lack of trust” when asked why they found it hard to make friends as adults.

This won’t be news to many of us. When we have demanding work schedules, very involved family lives or a combination of the two, our time for investing in friendships drops. Even when we meet a promising new friend, it can be hard to carve out time to invest in it. This is a bigger problem for older adults, given most people find their obligations increase with age.

How long does it actually take to make friends? It shouldn’t surprise us that closer friendships take longer to build than casual acquaintances. US researchers have tried to quantify this, estimating it takes roughly 50 hours of shared contact to move from acquaintances to casual friends. To be a close friend? More than 200 hours.

What’s more, the hours you spend together need to be quality. While you may well put in the time with work colleagues, professional interactions don’t count for much. To develop a new friendship, you need personal connection. It doesn’t have to be an intimate conversation to strengthen a friendship. Casual check-ins and joking around can be just as important.

There are many other barriers stopping us from having the friendships we want. This can include having an introverted personality, health barriers, personal insecurities, or maintaining a formal facade and not allowing potential friends in.

Older people are more likely to cite illness and disability as a barrier to socialising, while younger adults are more likely to be stopped by introversion and fears of rejection.

How can we get better at making friends as adults?

It’s entirely possible to overcome these barriers as adults and build meaningful, long-lasting friendships. We don’t have to accept loneliness as inevitable. And while you might think everyone else is having a great social life, remember loneliness is widespread.

So how do you do it?

Build friendships for ten minutes a day

You don’t have to be climbing mountains or bonding intensely over a shared hobby to solidify a new friendship. If you put in ten minutes a day, you can maintain existing friendships and build new ones. Send a text, forward a meme, add to the group chat or give someone a quick call. Don’t get caught up on how much effort, energy and time goes into building friendships. Ten minutes a day may be all you need.

Make the most of any quality time

When you do get to properly spend time with a friend or acquaintance, make the most of it. Avoid distractions if possible, keep Instagram for the couch at home, and be present with your new friend.

Lean into your vulnerability

We’re often scared by the idea of being vulnerable. I think we should embrace it. Remember you are in control of how much you trust and how much you open up. If you struggle with trust, consider sharing personal information slowly, rather than all at once.

Yes, there is a risk in being vulnerable – but there is also the potential to connect on a meaningful level with another person who may very well become a good friend. And that is a fine reward.

https://theconversation.com/why-do-we-find-making-new-friends-so-hard-as-adults-171740

If you’re drinking or betting more in lockdown, you’re not alone.

For the millions of Australians currently living under lockdowns — many without clarity on when things might return to “normal” — there’s no doubt the restrictions on our day-to-day lives present a variety of challenges and hardships.

But for people who have addictions, or who are at risk of developing an addiction, lockdowns can pose a unique set of difficulties.

Dr Anastasia Hronis, founder of the Australian Institute for Human Wellness, writes for the Conversation about the impact of lockdowns during COVID for people with addictions, or at risk of addictions.

Read the full article here:

https://theconversation.com/if-youre-drinking-or-betting-more-in-lockdown-youre-not-alone-but-watch-for-these-signs-of-addiction-165621

Mental Health Effects of COVID-19

Pleased to share that our book chapter on Covid-19 and the impact on gambling, sex, pornography use and addictions has been published in the book Mental Health Effects of COVID-19, and is available for purchase.

Dr Anastasia Hronis, founder of the Australian Institute for Human Wellness, co-authored this research with Patrick Dixon, in collaboration with the University of Technology Sydney.

The book can be purchased here:

https://www.elsevier.com/books/mental-health-effects-of-covid-19/moustafa/978-0-12-824289-6

Back after interval: Looking after your mental health as we return to creative work

Founder of the Australian Institute for Human Wellness, Dr Anastasia Hronis, has been working with the Arts Wellbeing Collective and Arts Centre Melbourne to produce mental health resources for those in the performing arts and entertainment industries.

Transitioning back into work after the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic on the performing arts industry can be challenging. This resource is design to help performers and creatives with that transition.

Have a read of "Back after interval: Looking after your mental health as we return to creative work and workplaces".

Embed Block

Add an embed URL or code. Learn more

Mental Health Stigma

It is sadly a ubiquitous trait of our society that there is such stigma surrounding any discussion of mental health, despite its prevalence. This stigma exists in part through a lack of awareness of mental health, but moreover through the general lack of space or sympathy given to conversation about mental health by our society.

The consequences of this stigma for individuals are many, including:
• A reticence to acknowledge one’s situation and reduced inclination to seek help
• A heightened fear of potential judgement and feelings of inadequacy
• Possible perceived blow to one’s self-esteem / increased vulnerability
• Perpetuation of the mental health issue despite possible help

This tumultuous year of 2020 has arguably brought mental health issues further into public conversation and consideration, yet it must not be assumed that these will remain in the spotlight nor that all others – and thus a general reduction in stigma – will be given any attention once the pandemic is well and truly behind us. The struggle for recognition of and consequent empathetic and considered dialogue of all mental health related issues continues.

Dr Anastasia Hronis, founder of the Institute for Human Wellness spoke to the Greek Herald about stigma, and stigma within Greek communities:

https://greekherald.com.au/community/mental-health-australias-greek-community-how-can-we-reduce-stigma/

NAIDOC Week 2020

NAIDOC week has recently come and gone, and for obvious reasons was this year not held in it’s usual yearly slot of the first week of July, but from the 8-15th November. This year’s theme “Always Was, Always Will Be” – which speaks directly to the near timeless and enduring history, resilience and fortitude of our First Nations’ peoples – appropriately highlights the temporal (and general) strength of our indigenous foundation in the face of anything, even a global pandemic.

NAIDOC week is a celebration of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander history and culture, but is also very important in its adding to bringing attention to the critical need to address the still stark inequalities that our First Nations face here in Australia, both practically and in the overall narrative that Australia tells of itself.

One example of this inequality here in Australia, which the government-directed Closing the Gap campaign addresses, is in regard to life expectancy, childhood mortality and general access to education.  Progress since this campaign’s inception has been mixed (according even to the government’s own assessment), and a reaffirmed and more urgent commitment to these aims are required.

This year Pat Turner AM spoke at the Dr Charles Perkins Oration, which is held annually at Sydney University and celebrating this year it’s 20th year anniversary. Charles Perkins is a celebrated figure in the recent history of Australian race relations, who as a student in 1965 organised a bus tour around NSW (called the Freedom Ride) who strived to draw attention to state of race relations in Australia. Ms Turner spoke about the life of Charles Perkins and the inspiration still drawn from him. (Ms Turner’s speech can be viewed here: https://fb.watch/1YaUTaliI4/ )

Now that NAIDOC week has passed, we must remember to continue to take action to work to close the gap and improve indigenous health outcomes.

“Regardless of all the good things that happen to you in your life, never leave anyone behind”

-          Charles Perkins

Gambling Harm in Australia

This week, the Western Sydney Community Forum hosted an important discussion on gambling and gambling related harm in NSW.  On the panel was the founder of the Australian Institute for Human Wellness, Dr Anastasia Hronis, speaking along with Rev Tim Costello, Dr Kate Da Costa and Tim Nance.

Watch the video link below to view the discussion:

What is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency can make it difficult to have healthy, intimate and loving relationships with other people, and with ourselves. Co-dependency can be described as a condition born of losing connection with our authentic self, thereby losing the ability to share our true self with others and be in healthy intimate relationships.

We may have learned to doubt our perceptions, diminish our feelings, and overlook our own personal needs. We may find ourselves looking to others to tell us what to think, what to feel and how to behave, thus becoming overly dependent on others. For others, co-dependency may present as being overly independent, finding it hard to rely on others, or struggling to trust anyone and allow them to become close.

The book “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie is a fantastic resource to help reflect on and recover from co-dependency.

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Today we use this wonderful poem called The Invitation, to reflect on ourselves and on life. This poem calls use to reflect on our ability to navigate the challenges of life, the ability to be with ourselves as difficult as it may sometimes be, and the capability to sit with pain.

Balancing Acceptance and Change

Acceptance is a topic which has been coming up in many client sessions recently, particularly as a result of the COVID19 pandemic.

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), we talk about the balance between acceptance and change. That is, that in any given situation, there are elements which we have control and agency over, and that we can change. However, there are also elements of the situation, which are out of our control, and all we can work towards for those, is acceptance.

Acceptance can provide us with that feeling of “letting go”. We all have pain of some sort in life. However, not accepting life and reality for what it is, can lead to additional suffering. It is important to remember that acceptance is not approval. By accepting, I am not saying that I agree, that I approve, or that I like the situation. I am saying, it simply is.

Keeping Gratitude Front of Mind

With the current Coronavirus pandemic dominating our lives, news, conversations and social media, it can sometimes be difficult to keep the positive aspects of life at the forefront of our minds. Practicing gratitude is a great way to practice psychological flexibility, and turn own mind away from what isn’t going well in our lives, and towards what is.

Gratitude helps reminds us all of the things in our lives and in the words that we have to be thankful for. Imagine how much more difficult this pandemic would be if we didn’t have friends, family, running water, electricity, home deliveries, Uber Eats and Netflix!?

We encourage you all to start to practice using a gratitude journal, or keep a gratitude list, either to start or end of the day. By practicing this, we practice being more flexible in the way we think about things, the perspectives we take, and the actions we engage in.

Collaboration in Therapy

What is therapy all about?

This image has been shared around on social media recently, as a way of explaining what the therapy process is like. A client comes in, shares their situations, their struggles, their emotions, and their lives. The clinician, then tries to answer key questions:

Why is it, that this person is presenting, at this time, with these concerns and experiences?

Furthermore, what are the experiences this person has had, that are shaping their belief system and the lens through which they see the world?

If we could add another image to create a sequence to the picture, it would be of the therapist, holding their thoughts of what the client has shared with them, out for the person to see.

Therapy should be a collaborative process. Part of the job of a psychologist to be able to feed this information back to a person, and have a collaborative discussion with them about it. Collaboration is key.

As clinicians, we are the so called “experts” in psychological theory and principles, but people are always the experts in knowing themselves. It takes the clinician and client to work together, to figure out what might be going on for a person, and the best way to move forward.

What Does it Mean to Gamble Responsibly

Clinical Psychologist and Founder of the Australian Institute for Human Wellness, Anastasia Hronis, was featured on the radio this morning speaking about "responsible gambling" and how consumers can ensure their gambling behaviour stays within healthy limits without escalating to becoming a problem.

“Responsible gambling” means exercising control and informed choice to ensure that gambling is kept within affordable limits of money and time. It remains enjoyable, it’s in balance with other leisure activities and responsibilities, and it does create harm in the person’s life.

Practical strategies to gambling responsibly include:

• setting limits on time and money spent gambling

• avoiding gambling with heavy gamblers

• avoiding gambling under the influence of drugs or alcohol

• don’t gamble with money you need for necessities

• don’t borrow money to gamble or put it on credit cards

• don’t gamble as a way of regulating emotions (e.g. anxiety or depression)

• set maximum bet sizes

• use online websites that allow you to set daily limits

• avoid having multiple online accounts

• avoid increasing your bet sizes when you are winning or loosing.

Gambling may be causing a problem in your life if you have tried unsuccessful to quit or reduce your gambling, if you find you are spending increasing amounts of money, if you spend a lot of time thinking about gambling, id you are being secretive about your gambling and if it is jeopardising other areas of your life such as relationships, career and opportunities.

Listen to the full interview here: https://2ser.com/the-myth-of-gambling-responsibly/

Spotlight on Schema Therapy: for Personality Disorders & Chronic Conditions

As humans we all have basic, fundamental needs. The need for food, the need for shelter, for safety and for clothing. However, in order for a person to grow, develop and flourish, there are a number of core emotional needs which also must be met. These include the need for secure attachments with others people, the need for safety and predictability, for autonomy and a sense of identity, for acceptance and empathy, the need for freedom of expression and the need for spontaneity.

When some or all of these core emotional needs are not met throughout childhood (e.g. due to difficult childhood experiences or abuse), individuals can develop unhelpful and self-defeating emotional and cognitive patterns that are called schemas. Schemas encompass beliefs about oneself, others and the world, which develop during childhood and can continue into a person’s adult life. These schemas are often rigid and the individual accepts the beliefs and feelings without question. These can include beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”, “I’m unlovable” and “people will leave me”. Such beliefs can lead to significant dysfunction in a person’s life, problematic relationships and chronic mood difficulties.

How does Schema Therapy work?

Schema Therapy is an evidence-based treatment. It incorporates elements from a number of other therapeutic frameworks, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Psychoanalytic Therapy, Attachment Theory and Gestalt Therapy. Schema Therapy looks at core themes within a person’s life to help them break negative, rigid and unhelpful patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. 

To help a person break these unhelpful patterns, Schema Therapy uses a combination of cognitive, experiential and behavioural strategies, while also engaging the therapeutic relationship to foster change. A person’s schemas and unhelpful patterns develop over the course of their lifetime and can be very rigid. For this reason, Schema Therapy is a longer-term treatment option (e.g. 15 or more sessions), as it focusses on the core dysfunctional themes in a person’s life as well as symptom reduction.

Who would benefit from Schema Therapy?

Schema therapy is particularly effective for people presenting with diagnoses or features of personality disorders, including Borderline Personality Disorder. In addition, individuals with chronic mood disorders who relapse or have failed to respond to other therapies may benefit from a Schema Therapy approach. It can also be helpful for people with childhood traumas, eating disorders and addictions, to address underlying schemas driving these issues.

If you would like to know more about how Schema Therapy could be of benefit, please contact us.

Clinical Research Published in the Handbook of Intellectual Disabilities

We are very pleased to announce that clinical research conducted by AIHW founder, Anastasia Hronis, was recently published in the “Handbook of Intellectual Disabilities”. Anastasia was the lead researcher in designing, developing and evaluating a mental health program specifically for children with intellectual disabilities. This was the first of it’s kind, as the program involved face to face sessions as well as an online intervention.